Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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