Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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