sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
