I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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