Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
