apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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