I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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