Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
