he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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