she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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