we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
