my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
