I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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