I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
