you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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