He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize