I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
