I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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