my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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