Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
