Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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