maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
