May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
