You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
