I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
