whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
