I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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