Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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