I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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