Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
