Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
