you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
