I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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