summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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