don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
