they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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