I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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