I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
