Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
