it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
