Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
