ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
