Whod you bang
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize