I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
