Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
