Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
