There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
