Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
