Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
