This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
