I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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