I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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