Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
