Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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