the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
