...so i touched it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
