What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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