Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I pour the whiskey from now on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
