youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
